I am a professional side tracker. It is a tactic that I acquired and perfected early as I pinched the child on the left thigh at the same time as the nurse administered the shot from the right. By the time he/she/it had discovered what was going on and responded, it was too late and the trauma was all over.

But, I didn’t realize how good I was until the daughter called yesterday. She was babysitting for the neighbors and she began the conversation with, “I’m going to be a great Mom and I owe it all to you.”

My mind leapt. After all, doesn’t one strive all one’s life for that, “Thank you for teaching me…” call?

She continued, “I’m a great manipulator.”

My mind blanked out and I mumbled the standard response to parental shock, “Would you care to expound?” while I got my mind around the true and immediate response, “I-can’t- believe-you-meant-that,” “What-are-you-thinking,” and “What-have-I-created?”

She continued, “It was time to leave the swimming pool and when the children balked and they insisted that they stay, I responded, ‘That’s fine, I’m sure they have somewhere you can sleep.’”
“Then, Mom, I started packing up and looking around. Then I said thoughtfully, ‘Maybe the showers? You could sleep in the showers, but I don’t know where you would eat?" As I continued to pack, I went on, "They probably turn off all the lights and go home, so probably there wouldn’t be food, or a nightlight… or anything.’”

She gushed onward, “Wow, Mom, by the time I finished, I was out by the car and the three of them were buckled up, inside and ready to go.” “Am I good or what?”

Yeah I guess so. I guess it’s okay to outline the simple and natural consequences in such a clear and logical way. But manipulation… is that what it was?

Reality Bite: And 'til now I thought I was so subtle.